Since nobody really reads this space anymore I guess it's relatively safe for me to say whatever I want here.

Right now it feels like there's nobody who can truly understand how I feel.
I want to go for the 6 months overseas internship.
Okay, so maybe my intentions for going isn't all that right.
Partly cause I'm use to living independently and partly cause I really don't want to be around my parents.
That sounds so cliche and probably sounds like it's coming out of the mouth of some 15 yr old kid going through her rebellious stage.
But honestly, they are doing almost everything possible for me to dislike being at home.

For one, I've been totally honest with them about how I lived my life in Shanghai.
I thought that they would appreciate my honesty and understand that I'm still exploring life.
I was wrong, so wrong.
They used my honesty against me and wrote off this judgement that I've turned bad.

Seriously, if I want to turn bad, I would have done so long ago.
Why wait till now!?

Because of my honesty, it jeopardized my chances of going for the 6 mths.
I cannot help but feel betrayed.
If I knew that this is what honesty would give me, dumb me, I should have kept mum about everything.

Currently, the relationship between my dad and I are so tensed.
He just won't listen to what I have to say.
No rooms for discussion.
No considerations.
No means No.
I'm so tired of hearing that.
If that's what conversations are about, I can't bring myself to talk to him.
Even if we do talk, it'll end up in a heated argument anyway.
I'd rather keep quiet.

It's a week away from the deadline and I'm stuck in this dead knot.

There are only 2 options left for me.

1) go with the flow, listen to my dad and be stuck in Singapore.
2) Fund myself and just go ahead with trip.

So.
What should I do?

10:14 PM
my star